Patio Living

Excerpt from “Downsize your home and regain your freedom’
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Thank you China. And thank you to all our hard working Chinese cousins who work long hours, in poor conditions, on megre wages, away from home in factories to produce goods for us that we hardly even value.

We meantime,  in Europe, are exporting knowledge gleaned over centuries, fought for in blood, against medieval religious doctrines forbidding research, two world wars and fierce competition, to advance medicine, science, infrastructure, physics, construction and mathematics.

I just got the garden chairs, from Argos, in a smart aluminium trim and black canvas seats. Cheap as chips as I will be moving country again soon.

I know black holds the heat, but its very trendy. White shows the dirt, and they only had a purple or turquoise, which were horrible.

If I need to leave them I won’t complain as the folding loungers were £19.99 each, and the arm chairs were £7.99, so no great investment there. The point is I need to get into the outdoors, and sample all weathers, in day in our ever changing psychotic climate. We have a small patio now and I intend to be all over it.

In the 1990’s Florida had the best patio furniture, with solid strong metal frames and lightweight woven wipe down seats, in very slick contemporary designs. Made ‘to order’ and a glass topped table, four chairs, a couple of loungers was several thousand dollars.

The only other alternative were the white stackable moulded plastic ‘petrol stain’ chairs for the working class, again, another Chinese gift.

The western world then turned to wooden outside furniture, preferably Teak, just when we realised the Rainforest was disappearing never to regrow. Brilliant Idea to reintroduce natural woods into home decor when a strong viable alternative was being made-all be it more expensive.

The Rainforest was now being chopped down to supply the western world with wooden garden sets and no one says a word.

Habitat Furniture Store brought back the humble ‘deck chair,’ using less wood and bright coloured canvas sling back seats.

They were comfortable, light, drip dry and naff but had shabby chic status but at £29.99 each, a set of four becomes a middles class luxury.

B&Q gave us metal ‘Bistro Sets’ appearing on every tiny balcony, leading us towards a more European new cappuccino culture.

Using an outdoor metal ‘Bistro Set’ in a kitchen brings the garden inside and saves a fortune. Its summery, cute, folds away

and costs a fraction of dinning furniture. Put cushion pads under the feet, not to scratch the floor, and stick a plant on the table. Viola!

‘Decking’ came along about the same time as the new wooden furniture. ‘Decking’ is the new ‘turf’ and very nice it looks too.

Boring, badly grassed small back gardens suddenly become designer decked spaces, spot lit, easy to clean, and with a few carefully chosen grasses.

By intensifying the space it takes on intimacy and feeling, Candles, chairs, music, Bistro Sets, lanterns, water features, extra high fencing, stains, levels and gravels.

Its a couple of days work and a few hundred quid but a zen space for the year.

Start all this as you move in. Once your settled it will become a project for the next summer, and the next, and the next..

Go into the garden centres and ‘get the bug’. Some tree, ornament, trellis, pot plant, lantern will catch your imagination and you will have to drag it home. Thats the ‘seed’ of desire for your new patio. Plant it and let it grow.

Use herbs as small plants, coat decking in a pale ‘celadon’ paint, as when it wears away, it will look shabby chic.

Wire brush and clean old brick walls, replace the mortar, put down rat traps under decking, wire up holes so nothing can ‘move in under there, including people.

Get a good hose and outdoor broom.

Put a spare small fridge outside and cover with a bright thick French plastic table cloth.

The odd silk daffodil, crocus, grasses, fleshy leaves can save the day by adding colour. They do droop after it rains so wash once a season in soapy liquid.

Sheets of bamboo trellis do well as terrace roofing material. Pin down well with electric cable hooks.

Mix yellow sand with white outdoor mat paint to get a stone like texture to cover bad walls. It won’t come off so remember that.

Block small holes and open pipes with clear plastic bags so animals don’t nest e.g wasps.

Use outdoor boat lights with grill facings if you need quick economic light fixtures.

Sprinkle corse table salt mixed with white washing powder over surfaces to keep away the cats/rats as they don’t like to lick paws full of OMO. When it blows all over the place (it doesn’t seem to move) it will be cleaning and deodorizing anyway.

Yes, that is a snake you see on the white tiles in the photo. I bought a few toy wooden ones to scare away the cats and birds. Not sure it worked, but it sure thrilled the man in the Medina who sold me an item no body wants in this world:)

Use disposable ashtrays e.g plastic cups half filled with water.

Never leave food, or utensils with fat on them outside to attract animals.

Keep cheaper sun creams, mosquito repellent, and old old towels in a big portable basket

Treat the outside like an extension of your home and have warm boots, sallopets, hats, gloves at the ready and go outside.

It is one.